Home for the Holidays was a movie that has never meant more to me than it did this past weekend.

July 23, 1999 was the end of the beginning for me, symbolically represented by the breaking of a friendship bracelet i have worn since August of 1992. I had been expecting it for quite sometime now. Attempting to stall it by taping it together when i saw that the strands were wearing thin. But it could not have come at such a most symbolically appropriate time than this past weekend.

Today speaking with my friend going through similar circumstances:
"I want someone to kiss me" she smiled with a sad look on her face.
"You want someone..." i paused, feeling the pain within her. A reflection of what i have gone through this weekend; what she has been going through for quite some time. "...the kiss means nothing. You want someone. You will find him. At the most seemedly saddest, and almost... insignificant moments of your life. You will find someone. As long as you dont dwell on the negative. As long as you are not blinded by the search, such that life's moments pass you by. It doesn't matter how pointless and insignificant these events in your life may seem. It doesn't matter how bad they may seem to be in the now. Every even shapes your life. You must learn to take what life deals to you however seemedly unfair and live, learn from the events if you are ever to grow as a person"

I say these words as i understood them from one of the few people i have ever loved. This is what i learned this weekend; to learn to be happy with myself such that all the intricate turns and drawbacks of living are turned into events and experiences that are significant for shaping me and who i am.

The love that grew out of meeting him and communicating with him did not end this weekend. I was saddened at his departure Sunday night. But that doesn't mean that i should shut out all other seemedly insignificant events and dwell on what could be if the situation would probably be different. If i did that, i would be missing other chances at finding that someone.

I cannot lie. I cannot stop loving him overnight. And it will take me some time to let go of a situation that wasn't meant to be. But i am happy that he brought me to see, and understand that life is more than just a string of events with the common factor being one's self. He taught me that life is a string of seemedly insignificant events, that snowball you into situations and interesting predicaments. These situations may be bad or good. But whatever the case, you will learn to take these situations as experience points

I say that it is the end of the beginning for this very fact. What's the point you may ask? Why did i go to see him at the slumber party if i knew it was never going to be between us? If we get hit by a bus tommorrow at least we'll know that we shared that moment together... no cameras, tapes, nothing, but the weekend together, just between the two of us.